There was a time in my life that I seethed with envy and jealousy over others success. Seethe might be too strong a word but it helps convey the feelings I had without it being minimized too much.
Most people had no idea this was happening. For the most part, it was something I kept to myself. I may have times made comments that sounded more like me being excited for whoever it was that I was envying when in truth I wasn’t. (Below I list three ways that helped me with this.)
A part of my envy came from thinking that I should be farther along in life than I was. It was easier for me to murmur and feel sorry for myself as I collected evidences as to why they were accomplished and I was not. Most of the evidence had to do with what I never knew or had.
- I never had the opportunity they had.
- I never had the privileges they had.
- I never knew the right kind of people they did.
On and on it went ad nauseam about what I never had. Another thought was what was happening to them should be happening to me. Why not me? Now, I began to feel sorry for myself and even looked for those to invite to my feeling-sorry-for-myself party. People stopped by but they never stayed.
This attitude was not working for me. I realize I was getting bent out of shape over things that wasn’t helping me. I got no further in life from being envious. On the contrary, I was getting further and further behind.
I eventually had an epiphany. It was time to change my attitude.
I am thankful I did. I turned that energy into focusing on myself and began pursuing my dreams. I began to look at what I had, what I had accomplished and what I could build on. It’s amazing what that did. I began to accomplish my goals by doing one at a time. Envy subsided and actually was replaced by joy as I began to enjoy what I was doing and in turn becoming happy for others who succeeded. I was eager to learn from them. I realize that I too can have what I wanted by helping others get what they wanted.
Joy for others flowed more easily. It has now become more the norm of my life. I am able in some small way relate to John the Baptist who said: “It is the bridegroom who marries the bride, and the best man is simply glad to stand with him and hear his vows. Therefore, I am filled with joy at his success.” (John 3:29 NLT)
Now that I have been on both sides of the fence, this side is better; it is greener.
Here are three things to do to be okay with wanting the greener grass on the other side … of envy:
- Focus on what you have rather than what you don’t. Make a list of what you have going for you
- Learn from those who have succeeded
- Do one thing today that will move you in the direction of your goal and then do it again tomorrow and the next day
What’s your thoughts on the grass being greener on the other side of envy and jealousy? Comment in the space provided below.
May 22, 2013
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