It’s All About The Ask In The Midlife Years
Asking for things hasn’t been easy for me. I grew up being lectured quite a bit about asking for things. Sometimes before I even asked, I heard that voice in my head that said, “Why are you asking, you know we can’t afford it” or “Don’t ask people for things, ask us” and when I ask “us” I was then told “You know we can’t afford it.”
This became confusing to me at times and also created a reluctance to ask. I have noticed a pattern in my life, which reflects the playing of those tapes in my head. For the most part I try to do things by myself even if it has to kill me and sometimes it nearly does.
I would rather take on a project by myself without asking for much help. Also, at times I have a need and I won’t necessarily ask for help. I pray about my needs and most of the times God works it out or gives me the strength and skills to make things happen.
As I’m writing this it’s even becoming clearer to me that I do this quite regularly. I think … I’m afraid to ask. You can listen to my podcast that expands more on my fear here. I have been conditioned this way. Asking God isn’t a problem because I was encouraged and taught to do that regularly. I’m glad I have that part down.
But would you believe as I look back over parts of my adult life I sometimes didn’t ask God for what I would really like to have because I couldn’t justify why I needed it. It’s that old tape in my head. Sometimes I had good intentions. For example I didn’t want to ask God to make me wealthy so that I could help others. The end goal was noble but me asking, felt wrong. Isn’t that messed up?
Here James is pushing the big ASK and not to be reluctant especially when it’s not to consume on your own pleasure. The pivotal words being “consume on self.” Here’s how he phrased it: “Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.” (James 4:2b,3 NLT)
I thank God I have to come to this realization and am working in it. I do ask more now as you will find out more here, even though I do have that check within from time to time. I am determined to get there.
How about you? Do you find that asking is difficult for you? If so, I would love to hear your story. Take a few minutes and share your thoughts in the comment box now. Let’s compare notes.
December 4, 2013 at 1:55 pm
I don’t think it is necessarily the asking part, it just the part about networking in general. I don’t seem to get out of my bubble very often to talk to people. I know this has held me back all of my life. I am changing some, but I don’t feel it is fast enough to keep up with my ambitions. Asking is a great start though, people do love when you respect them enough to get their advice. Thanks for the post! Love the podcast.
December 5, 2013 at 8:24 pm
Thanks Mike for the feedback. I like the point you make about the networking issue. That was one of the areas that proved a bit challenging for me for various reasons, one of which, I wasn’t as skilled at it. I’m more comfortable with it now than before and have done a lot better. How are you approaching the change process and what would fast enough be? Thanks for the love on my podcast. I appreciate it.