3 Reasons Why Men In Midlife Stagnate When It Comes To Making Career Decisions

The 3 Reasons Why Men In Midlife Stagnate, When It Comes To Making Career Decisions are: 

1. Fear of the failure
2. Fear of loss
3. Fear of rejection

(Note: these 3 fears are discussed below)

A large number of men in midlife tend to hit one of the walls, unique to this stage of life, that leaves them feeling paralyzed or traumatized. The collision is so traumatic for some that they never recover. 

There are others who also hit the wall but are only temporarily stunned by the impact. And then there are some who also hit the wall but don’t seem phased by it.

What makes the difference?

Why is this so? 

This is what I hope to answer in this blog. But first, I want to identify the wall and then define it.

What is the wall? It is what I will call the Stagnation Wall. This is not a new term. Psychologist Erik Erikson termed this stage of life – the midlife stage – as the stage of stagnation. This is also what many refer to as the midlife crisis. It becomes a crisis for some because of the impact it has on them.

As the term implies, it is where many, both men and women in midlife, tend to become stagnated in life. These are people who for the most part knew or thought they knew what they wanted out of life, but now they aren’t sure. They are confused. I was one of those who had hit the wall but didn’t know what had happened. This I believe happens to a good percentage of men in midlife.

This stagnation becomes the breeding ground for a great number of “diseases.” I use the word disease to hopefully paint a picture of a health condition. Some of these diseases are the divorce disease, wanting to change career disease, be in the best shape of life disease, plastic surgery disease, need for hair replacement or growth disease, wanting to become your own boss, etc. Some of these are just itches and not full blown.

I’m not suggesting that these are necessarily bad, so please don’t hear that. It’s just what tend to happen to a lot of people at this stage. Again, I too had this disease until I made the decision to get help and beat it. I’ll tell you how in another blog.

During this midlife crisis, midlife stagnation, midlife career upheaval or simply midlife change – you can choose your label, you end up losing more than gaining unless you decide to make the necessary lifestyle changes that leads to a healthier lifestyle. In a previous blog, I discussed six reasons to overcome this disease. Make sure you read that post.

I believe, before you can get in position to become healthy and overcome stagnation in your career decisions, you must explore the three fears listed below. You may not get a clear path of how to do it here. However, one way to let me know if it is something you are interested in having a dialogue about, leave a comment in the section provided below. Tell me what resonates with you and what would you like to know.

Here then are the 3 Reasons Why Men In Midlife Stagnate When It Comes To Career Decisions:

1. Fear of the failure – this fear is huge. It was huge for me as well. I didn’t want to fail at what I did especially seeing that I had a family to support. At least I had a steady income – not guaranteed – but steady. But what good is a steady income if you are miserable where you are? What good is a steady income if you are dying because of your disease? What are you fearing anyway? Here is a way of reframing that fear; what if you were to say, “I’m in this midlife state of stagnation because of my fear of living?” Isn’t that what would result if you were to do what it is you loved to do … live? Wouldn’t you be living your best life now?

2. Fear of loss – this fear is a monster. Why? Most of your adult life is wrapped up in what you have done; your accomplishment. You have worked hard to secure this. This is all you know. This is who you are. Take this away and you no longer have an identity. (Btw: I discussed this also in a blog that you can read by clicking here.) Here are a few questions that you and I must use to confront this fear: What if you were laid of or got fired? What if that company ceased to exist? So here again is another reframe: What if you were to look at this fear as an opportunity to redefine who you are without what you do; find your purpose? I believe this reframe would change the way you looked at this fear. What’s your thoughts? Again. leave your feedback below.

3. Fear of rejection – this fear is somewhat similar to the one above. It is found in the loss-corner. Rejection is not something that we as men do well. We are hesitant to attempt something especially if there is risk involved where the chance of success isn’t high. This fear can be paralyzing. The message associated with this rejection is that you are not longer loved or accepted. Holding on to what you currently have is safer. This is where the phrase “good becoming the enemy of the best” comes in. That is what is happening here. So, what if you were to consider this fact: If you are being rejected – no longer being loved or accepted – by some because you don’t have the position you once had, do those people really matter? Were they loving you because of you or because of what you provide?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this post especially if it resonated with you. Secondly, if it did, take a moment and share it with someone you know who might be helped by it. Make sure to let me know what you would like to know as a result of reading this article. Thanks in advance